As I wandered round town just by happenstance
I hit two passers-by in the street.
I was nabbed by the cops and I met her glance
Down the nick - and my heart missed a beat.

I don’t know what on earth she was doing there -
Maybe getting her passport renewed.
She was young, she was beautiful, she was fair -
I resolved to set off in pursuit.

I remembered the door where she disappeared
But thought: "What can I say? I’m a thug..."
So I knocked back some vodka and asked my dear
For a drink in the railway snug.

She attracted the smiles of the passers-by
And I wanted to kick up a stink.
Then I landed a punch on an arsey guy
With the brass neck to give her a wink.

I was flash with my cash like I’d struck it rich -
I spread caviar thick on her bread
And I ordered her songs, like the one in which
Soldiers turn into cranes when they’re dead.

I kept promising I’d treat her properly
And repeated these words through the night:
"For five days now I’ve not done a robbery
’Cos I’ve fallen in love at first sight."

I declared that my life was a waste of time
And I snivelled and sobbed in my scarf.
She said: "You spoke so true - when I make you mine
I will lower my charges by half."

Then my blood went so hot it was simmering
And I hit her, my little white dove.
The police had their reasons to bring her in
When at first sight she filled me with love.