I cried out: "What, have you all gone crazy?
Now our chess will fall into disgrace!"
But our social secs said: "That’s as maybe...
It’s up to you now - see we don’t lose face.

"But beware - this Fisher’s quite a terror.
He beds down with chess boards, keeps his nerve,
His game is clean, he never makes an error..."
Well I don’t play that badly, so whatever -
And I I’ve got my knight move in reserve.

Oh, my muscles made of steel!
Ah, my grip that’s never slack!
Oh, my castles made of real
Wood and painted white and black!

"Stay calm", said my football-playing mentor,
"He’s not used to playing guys like you.
Don’t think about your half, forget the centre,
But use the wings and try to break straight through."

I ran the hundred metres, I stayed active,
I took steam baths, I slept well, I lost weight,
I started to attend ice-hockey practice
And after all this sport I said: "The fact is
I’ll thrash him without putting him in mate."

Oh, you strong hands where my force is!
Ah, the sinews of my spine!
Oh, my knights like graceful horses!
Oh, my bishops tall and fine!

I can’t say that everything went smoothly -
People wrote and phoned but left no name.
All that kind of nonsense only moved me
All the more to get on with the game.

People said to me: "You’ve dropped a clanger -
With his left foot Schiffer comes out top
Playing chess machines like Capablanca
Moving as a clockwork army tanker.
That’s okay, once roused I never stop.

If I’m running out of minutes
I won’t fret or bust a gut.
I’ll rely on strength of spirit
And a perfect uppercut

"Take it slow and most of all stay upright",
Said my boxer friend last time we spoke.
"Hit the body, stay out of inside fights,
Make the knockout punch your masterstroke."

Fisher this time won’t escape disaster -
It’s on the cards that I’ll bring back the crown.
I played with Tal, the Latvian grandmaster,
Ten rounds of snooker, blackjack and canasta
And Tal said: "I see you won’t let us down."

Oh, the bulging of my biceps!
Ah, my deltoids hard and tight!
See my chessmen move with light steps!
Oh, my bishops and my knights!

In the canteen, closed to all and sundry,
"There’s no need to worry", said the cook.
"With your appetite when you get hungry
In one bite you’ll swallow all his rooks!

"You’ve a long, hard journey, have a seat, mate -
Take this bag of food into the game.
I’ve packed for you both an Easter cheesecake -
Schiffer may be clever but, for Pete’s sake,
I bet he likes his vittles just the same!"

Oh, he’ll never crack us hard nuts!
Yes, the crown is ours to win!
I may go to bed a pawn but
Then I’ll wake up as a king!