For the first third life was sweet, my
Twenty years on easy street I
played it by the book;
Always busy, ever carefree,
I just let the current bear me
where I chanced to look.

I thought there is my reward now -
After all I don’t need oars now
or to use my palms.
I was pestered by mosquitoes,
Wasps and ticks, all the blood-eaters,
but came to no harm.

To begin with I heard yelps from
People wanting me to help them;
from the banks they’d shout.
But poor beggars, I’d not heed them,
I’d lie stupefied by mead and
nearly passing out.

If a bend made me unsteady
Or I capsized in an eddy
it would be all right.
With my boots off, with them next on,
In the water my reflection
filled me with delight.

As the banks float by my boat still
I drink mead to soothe my throat till
I’ve too much inside.
In a flash I’m not alone now
For I see an aged crone now
sitting at my side.

As I’m finding it astounding
Mist comes down and I come round in
somewhere death would be,
And the hag’s a gross and vast thing,
In my ear she bursts out laughing -
foul behometh, she!

So I scream - I make no sound though -
I see badly and I fear so
much that I’m struck dumb;
In the wind I feel I’m swaying...
"Who are you?" I hear her saying:
"I’m the Heavy One!

Don’t make crosses, mutter dirges -
Don’t expect the Holy Virgin’s
going to save the day,
For if you lose the oars and wheel too
I, the Heavy One, will steal you -
that’s my usual way!"

In the dark I seek the roadway,
I drink mead but in a slow way -
by a hundred grams.
There’s no chance she will fall dormant
For in front of me she storms and
her great footsteps slam.

Through the undergrowth she flounders
And with so much lard around her
she begins to pant.
But although she’s out of breath she
Will still take you somewhere deathly,
heavy elephant!

Then towards us comes a breathing
Crippled-legged, crooked being
with a wily guise.
She cries: "Though you’re by the void now
I will save you, my poor boy, now,
I will dry your eyes."

"What on earth are you?" I ask her;
She says: "I can lift a cart for
I’m the Crooked One,
And although my back is bent and
I’ve crossed eyes and twisted claw hands
I’ll help you, my son!"

While I’m pouring out a measure,
"Save me, Crooked One", I beg her,
"I’m tied up I say!
I will pour you out a basin
And your crookedness I’ll straighten -
just take me away!"

"As for you, you bitch’s daughter,
Go on, take a sip, it ought to
help to soothe your nerves.
You’ll forget me for a short time;
In the harem with your outline
you will be the first."

And with that the two old crones dive
On the mead vat, then they imbibe
till their minds go blank.
So I hide behind the boulders,
Edge back, look behind my shoulders
till I reach the bank.

With two strokes I reach the middle
Where the water’s smooth and peaceful -
That’s a job well done.
Let them perish from their bevvies,
My two fates: the one that’s heavy
and the crooked one.

That’s how someone’s wicked schemes, their
Spiteful acts behind the scenes were
planned to lay me low.
I was star-crossed, well and truly,
I was dragged away, more fool me,
as the current flows.

I thought life was made to please me;
I’d not row; I’d take it easy -
what a clever one!
With a whimper off they trotted;
My two fates: the one that’s knotted
and the heavy one!