Believe me, I’m not clanking like an empty can,
I’ve got to solve this wrongful paradox -
Someone becomes the Pope in the Vatican,
And I am put inside this stinking box.

Good places in the cell are seized - the cons did it!
Now they relax without losing hope...
Meanwhile in Italy they failed to find a candidate
To take the place of a retired Pope.

Our blockheads so untimely have lassoed me with a rope!
Instead, I’ll take some dope - And be the Pope!

Those bishops in the Vatican could not decide
Whom to elect - the priests were in a hole...
We pushed on them the Pope, then, from our side:
This guy’s a Slav, our relative - a Pole!

Behind the bars I sit, regretting bitterly,
But you, my babe, don’t cry - the day may come,
And I will be the Pope in sunny Italy,
And you will be, quite certainly, the Mom!

Our blockheads so untimely have lassoed me with a rope!
Instead, I’ll take some dope - And be the Pope!

Prime-ministers and kings and mighty presidents
Are burnt by Fate, like paper, in its flame...
The way we missed the Shah’s position has no precedents,
We won’t be forgiven for that shame!

Replace this helpless Shah - what can be easier?!
He proved to be a dull, inept trainee...
Take any man in our Kirgizia -
Ayatolla, and even Homeini!

My life is wasted - silly days routinely run and run!
Instead, take the Koran And - to Iran!

In every corner of the planet we can see -
This one is sick and that one even dies...
We failed to capture Golda Meir’s vacancy -
Though Israel by half is our guys!

The only eye of general Moshe Dayan
Must be knocked out. That’s what we should achieve!
In case I am of no help in Teheran -
Well, I agree to fly to Tel-Aviv!

 
 

Great talents in my country are quite numerous,
In cloaks with swords from every side they hail...
You try to tell the difference - boy, it’s humorous! -
Between my mate and Mao - you will fail!