I’m a plumber you’ve not seen for ages,
Money burns in my pocket like hell,
As I get very good monthly wages
And a quarterly bonus as well.

One’s supposed to earn lots of dough
If he drinks every evening like nuts,
And my bride in Tambov doesn’t know
That I’m dating two Moscow sluts.

To my bride I would post a parcel,
But for sluts I would purchase champagne...
Then all night, when we hustle and bustle
They would tucker me till I’m insane!

Thus, I feel that my health disappears,
And at work I no longer excel,
As my physical end quickly nears,
With the end of my bonus as well!

Girls are tiring, girls are depleting,
And exhausting and always berserk!
So I told them: “Babes, I am quitting,
Seek another big sucker or jerk!”

Now my life’s calm and quite advantageous -
I feel fine, I feel cool, I feel swell!
I alone drink away all my wages
And my quarterly bonus as well!