If to go abroad you’re willing
Lots of papers you must fill in -
But it’s not the biggest pain!
You can never leave without
A companion, terse and stout,
Dressed in plain.

As your journey’s introduction
You receive a strict instruction
Where to stay and what to say.
No independent actions
Or unauthorized connections -
No way!

He, whose costume never varies,
Introduced himself in Paris:
“We will live together, side by side.
Call me Sasha, I am Russian,
Born and raised in Belorussia,
I’m a guide”.

He maintained his secret status,
Poked his nose into my matters,
Always lending me his helpful hand...
As his office would require,
He became, eyes full of fire,
My best friend.

I decided once in Rome
Just without him to roam -
He at night was writing hours in a row.
Then he slept, so strong and massive,
And his fists looked so impressive,
That I didn’t go!

Dining, I was never able
To avoid him at the table,
He became my goddamn tail...
But I found once a minute,
Swiped his note-book and in it
Read a tale!

In his writings he reported
My behaviour was perverted,
And I was a cheeky pest!
And for women I was lustful,
And politically distrustful,
And I praised the West!

This plain person, though lying,
Didn’t write that I was spying.
But imagine if he did!
Then they’d take me far from home,
Not to Paris or to Rome,
But to hell, indeed!