Don’t grasp the waists of strangers,
Now, that your girlfriends don’t look.
Remember, how to the shores of Australia,
Sailed up the late Captain Cook.

Sitting in a circle under azalea
In Australian land sunny and hot,
Eating and eating from dawn to dusk
One another, evil, savage lot.

But why did Aborigines eat Cook?
You won’t find the answer in the wisest book.
The answer is simple - they wanted a lunch
As far as I see it - so Cook did they munch.

It’s also possible that their Chief Big Beech
Shouted to his people standing on the beach
That aboard the ship there’s delicious cook,
There was a mistake and they ate James Cook.

Nothing was to it, no deceit at all
That without "knock, knock" they entered that door.
Knock, knock on the head with a bamboo stick
And James Cook is dead - what a nasty trick!

There is one more thing that I, well, suspect
Cook could have been eaten due to high respect.
All this has been set by a cunning shaman
"Catch Cook, boys," shrieked the cruel man.

Roast him with no onion, salt or other spices
and you’ll be like Cook - strong, brave, with no vices.
A stone happened to be there which some savage took
Aim, hit, bang - and there is no Cook.

And the savage lot now’s wailing and crying
Break their swords and bows they’re trying
Burn their bamboo sticks with ferocious hate
Regretting deeply that James Cook they ate.