This scrambles every brain from cell to cell
And fills all space with cracks and deformations:
The devils went to build a heaven in Hell
To benefit their future generations.

A well-known devil, Ol’ Nick to his foes,
Wrote, out of schedule, (as a Heaven spy),
"What’s on in Hell, the devil only knows..."
Exactly what, Nick couldn’t specify.

Only for Cupid, the spy bureau chief,
Old Nick appended a horrific line:
"Satan is on alert, in my belief,
And watch out on which agents you’re relying!"

Meanwhile in Hell, great Beelzebub declared
All army forces quickstep in parading
Past his own grandstand, where he wept and blared,
"Heaven alone will save our poor home Hades!"

Devils applauded, weeping tears of joy,
"Yes! In our native hell we’ll build a heaven!
Boost productivity! Lean methods we’ll employ
And raise the sinner quota up to seven!"

"Well, forward march now! Follow on my mark!"
Said Satan. "God is with us! Let us go!"
And sinners trembled in nine circles dark,
And angels shuddered, looking down below.

And in a flock, the angels went to tell
Him who’s all-kind, all-seeing and knows all.
But he said, "I don’t give a damn for Hell!"
And promised many shot against the wall.

"And Satan is an agitator troll,
His shouts old news ere Christ was resurrected,
And you angels are morons, one and all,
And that Old Nick has long ago defected.

"This isn’t Heaven but Bedlam through and through!
I’ll head to Earth - they at least respect me there!
I to humanity, the hell away from you,
They crucify me twice now, I don’t care!"

And He came down. Where is he, or who?
But worshippers once saw, by the church door
A ragged beggar, downed a pint or two,
Shouting, "I’m God! Give alms to feed the poor!"

Folks, weep now at the tragedy I tell,
Far worse than even the sack of Troy defeated.
Long now in Heaven it’s not heaven but hell,
But a devils’ heaven in Hell is now completed!