Since childhood Fedya was a ground digger
He brought home crushed stones and granite
Once he brought home such a something
That Mom and Dad sobbed violently

As a student, Fedya was disposed very much
To laud archaeology to the skies
He brought to the university such things
That everybody around sobbed violently

Once from an expedition
He brought two rusty thingies
And said, this is an ancient treasure
Another time in Elista
He found a set of false teeth
As big as a home distillery

His degree work was about ancient relics
About Scythians, about pagan gods
He used so many swearwords in Latin
That those Scythians blushed in their tombs

He looked for ancient buildings
In a wild frenzy
And often cried out loud
That it is not impossible
To meet a pithecanthropus
And banged his breast

He decided to end unmarried life
And struggled hard to make a family
He said, I will find such a wife
That all of you will sob violently

He searched in every corner
In Europe in Asia
And soon he dug up his ideal
But the ideal appeared to be
An ignoramus in archaeology
And Fedya buried it again.