The Arbat, with mom and pop,
Offered its advantages.
Now - the clinic, I’m on top
Of the bed, in bandages.

Who needs fame or light of day?
Who needs Claudia, the nurse?
My right neighbor passed away,
And my left one’s getting worse.

And one day, the left one told me,
From the fever, I suspect:
“Listen, buddy”, rather coldly,
“Did you know you’ve lost a leg?”

It can’t be! He must be merely
Joking with me, I suppose...
I recall the doc said clearly:
“We’ll just amputate your toes.”

But the left one drove me crazy, -
He kept calling me a wreck,
Even in a nightmare frenzy, -
He kept mentioning my leg.

He was taunting: "You will never
Walk again without help,
And your wife will leave forever!"
If you could only see yourself!

If I wasn’t such a cripple,
Climbing down on one leg,
Then, my life would be so simple,
I would cut the left one’s neck!

Now, I’m begging Claudia nightly:
“Bring a mirror, I insist...”
If the right one was beside me, -
He would tell me like it is.