What do we care for plots and intrigues?
On any topic, we know all there is to know.
For example, the best book on this planet
I consider to be our Penal Code.

If I can’t sleep, and if I’m feeling restless,
Or should my face hungoverly distend,
I’ll take the Code, and flip to any section,
And I can’t help myself, I read it to the end.

I’ve given no advice to my comrades,
Though to their credit they have robbery at least;
And I just read about this, as it happens:
Not over ten; not less than three.

Just think how much we have within these statutes -
What of novels of all lands and of all times?
Here we have everything: term-length barracks,
Fights and scandals, gambling and lies!

Would that a century could pass without these statutes!
I see a person’s fate behind each line;
And I rejoice when a term is lenient,
For this means luck is on some person’s side.

And my heart thrashes like an injured sparrow
When to read my statute I begin,
And the blood starts pounding through my temples
Just like the cops, when they’ve come to take you in.