Not that I’m kicking up a fuss or groaning, folk,
And yet there is a skew and an extreme
That some be nominated for the Roman Pope,
And some be held up under lock and key.

Crooks snatched up on the quiet all the billets ’ere,
And softened, lying doggo, putting hope
In luck, whereas all over precious Italy
There happened no contender for the Pope.

Be it not the wrong time they lassoed me out of hand,
I’d suck a shot down and - due Vatican!

Like out to lunch, the bishops went on racking brains
And dawdled way too long in Vatican, -
And in the meantime we palmed off a Pope on them:
From ours, one of Poles, that’s one of Slavs.

I’m in Naro-Fominsk, I’m in a holding cell.
When ruining my life, babe, you’d have known,
That I could make a decent Pope of Rome as well,
And, plainly, take you, baby, as a Mom.

Be it not the wrong time they lassoed me out of hand,
I’d suck a shot down and - due Vatican!

Crown on, around the power or in cash they are,
Fate tosses people all about like cats.
But how we failed to beat them to the post of Shah!
We won’t be let off easy by begats.

The Shah had proven lack of skill from A to Z.
Replace him in the office in a flash!
Who by? Each even dweller in Turkmenabad
Is Ayatollah, Khomeini at that!

I beat horns off against the gate all day long, like a ram.
And I could take Koran and - due Tehran!

In Europe, in Asia, in America,
This may go sick, and that may be no more.
Too bad we’ve missed the post of Golda Meir though,
Whereas one fourth there is our former folk.

In fact, Moshe Dayan’s already been one-eyed -
Why not to knock the other off at night!
And since I am of no good to Iranians,
Then Tel Aviv is good for me all right.

Say, Begin did time here and fled, and I will also flee,
Once he is out of office, I’ll be in.

Along the Volga and the Kama, there sail
The talented - all cloak-and-dagger folk.
Ruslan Khalilov, for example, my prison mate, -
Say, Mao’s at a loose end on the whole!

We’ve got big money! Why the hell to squander grands
On bringing up them he-dolts and she-dolts!
You’ll easily pick up such guys among my friends,
Who will replace with ease the gang of Four!

Our gains are hard for even four combined to bear,
But everyone is long-legged and thick-set.
False modesty aside, but have Onassis’ heir
Not been brought up by ours at our place.

Do keep an eye on who untimely pass away.
Once free’s Onassis’ dowager, Jacquie, -
I will be nice and resolute with billionaires,
Just set me free, guys, only set me free.