Cards on the table, gentlemen!
This deck is marked. It’s glaring!
He switched it, yes, he switched it when
You drank your liquor, Baron.

The Jack is painted. Take a look!
My God, we never noticed!
Sir, you’re a grifter and a crook,
And I am at your service!

Now, Count, you can speak your part.
I say you are out of order!
(That day Napoleon Bonaparte
Was crossing Russia’s border)

You aren’t finishing this round:
An urgent matter beckons!
You Baron here and you Viscount,
I hope you’ll be our seconds.

Now you can argue till you drop -
It’s all damn lies, I’m sure.
The choice of weapon, hurry up!
Which one do you prefer?

Soon you’ll forget about cards!
Your gambling days are over!
(That day Napoleon Bonaparte
Was crossing Russia’s border)

Enough, I’ll make the call myself:
It’s pistols. Wait, make it sabers!
But I suspect you’d rather have
Your choice of ladies’ chambers!

A dagger? Now I am amused:
I mastered it in combat!
But I suspect you’d rather use
This very deck you’ve loaded.

Now I am ready to depart.
I’ll see you in the courtyard!
(That day Napoleon Bonaparte,
Was crossing Russia’s border)

No need to help me, I’m alright.
See? I’m not falling over!
I’ll challenge this man to a fight
Again, when I am sober.

Be silent, dear Baron, sit!
Viscount, stop your bleating!
I want this bastard to admit
The truth about his cheating!

Reveal the secret of the cards,
And you’ll escape your murder!
(That day Napoleon Bonaparte
Was crossing Russia’s border)

But if your arrogance prevails,
I promise, my dear Count:
The Countess can send you mail
Some six feet underground!

It’s not amusing anymore!
I solemnly declare:
I’ll put a bullet right up your -
Pardonnez-moi - derriere!

(It was a warm day off the charts,
And would get even warmer.
That day Napoleon Bonaparte,
Was crossing Russia’s border)

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

My dear Count! Forgive me my
Deplorable behavior!
I had to call you out to try
And ask you for a favor.

I had to ask you for a loan,
While no one else was watching.
So, just to be with you alone,
I staged all that debauching.

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

Oh yes, I had a drink (or twelve)
And made the play on Fours...
"A fool?" What’s that? Oh, very well!
The first shot, then, is yours.