Gyorgy and Arakadi Veyner1
Salaam aleikum to you
We are acquainted with you in secret,
We know the criminal code by heart2.
Seven of elders write to you
From the land of Hindu Kush
Because seven magazines of yours
Have been translated you for us.
And during the cotton harvest
(By the way, cotton is now silk)3
Our magazine "Star of the East"
Found space (seven pages) for you
And our head elder -
Criss-crossed all of Moscow in a ZIM4
And couldn’t find your books
In a single store
Two of the elders
Pulled all the hair from their beards
There ain’t any [books], in spite of all the connections,
In the Central Bookstore - or anywhere else
For the "Era of Mercy"5
(And for that, a big thanks to you!) -
I gave the officer two melons
And a kilo of pomegranates
And at the end of your TV series -
I swear on a gray hair! -
We will provide, eight melons
For each additional episode
And to avoid any hitches
(Do you like kufta-bazbash?)6
Please send your wives to the Central Market,
{We will provide] a sheep for each chapter.
Maybe it’s too crass
But, for songs about prison,
(The singer Vysotsky should sing them),
We will pay twice as much.
One can’t find your proofs
Even in Paris. And they say...
But, what can we buy with francs?
Grapes, again, what else.
Today we read you,
Oh how you words work up a sweat,
Brothers, we consider you to be -
An amazing people.
Our great-grandson at the grocery warehouse,
Where the money is crap.
But if you’re hungry,
In that case, come every day.
We wished he studied at the foreign language department.
I even prepared a big bribe...
But...[it didn’t work out]. If Niyoziy were alive7
[he’d vouch, but without him] what connections? -
Europe and Asia have connections,
Only those connections are nonsense.
You must’ve been to the Kamaz plant8:
There are no fruit. And this time,
Come to Hindu Kush!
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