Dear telecasting! Saturday, almost crying, The whole asylum (Kanatchikova dacha1) Towards the TV set was rushing, - Not to wash up, not to eat, but instead To have an injection and forget, The whole asylum gone mad And gathered by the TV screen. Talking, while wringing hands, Blubber mouth and firebrand About impotence of the science To resolved Bermuda mysteries, - All my brains Iíve screwed to pieces, Twisted all my convolutions into a knot - And asylum authorities Giving us a second shot. Dear editor! Maybe, better - about reactor?! About favorite moon tractor? After all, one canít! - a whole year: Either scare us with flying saucers - they Still flying sneaky, they would say; Or your dogs barking every day, Or the ruins - talking queer! We became skillful in someways: A whole year we brake the plates - On those plates a dog we ate2, If the cook doesnít lie to us today. And medications the whole piles - Who is not a fool, into the pen. This is life! And suddenly - Bermuda isles! Well, you see! You canít do this, men! We didnít create a scene - We were short of a leader, I mean: We donít have enough of real larrikin - Well, there are no chieftains. But for intrigues and ravings We have nets and drug nets - Wonít spoil our daily praying Evil intrigues of enemies! Itís their skinny devils Bermuddied3 water in the stream, This all invented good old Churchill In the nineteen eighteen! We, about blasts and fires Wrote the statement for the TASS... Then the orderlies rushed in - And quickly immobilized us. Those, who were the cocky lads, They tied them quickly to the bedheads - Mouth foaming paranoid raving mad Like a warlock on Sabbath crawl: "Untie the towels, you bloody sods! Unbelievers, bigots! Itís so bernauseous3 on our hearts And berdrearily3 in our souls!" Forty souls take turns to howl - White like hot metal, no less, - Thatís how bad itís worrying us all This triangular business! Everyone, almost gone mad, because of this - Even those, who were already mad, - And then head-shrink Margulis Banned to watch the TV set. There he is, in the window looms, the snake - Hiding the plug behind his back and waits, - He gave a signal to someone - it means straight away, The paramedic will rip out the cable from TV. All is left for us - the shot, hurts like hell - And to fall down the well, And disappear at the bottom of the well, Like in Bermuda, for eternity. Well, tomorrow the kids will ask, I suppose, In the morning, while visiting us: "Dads, what did they said, those Doctors to be candidates?" We will reveal to our kids without fear The truth - for they do care: "Amazing is so near - But itís forbidden, here!" There goes home-based dentist Rudik4 - He has radio-receiver "Grundig", - By nights he radio keeps tuning - West Germany he listens, traitor and a foe. There he was a fashion merchant, selling, buying And completely lost his mind, - He got here in terrible bind With a number on his toe. He came running, extremely wind up, - With this news we all were shocked, As if - our scientific liner In the triangle it got bogged; Disappeared, used all the fuel, rather, Its all fell apart, - Two of our crazy brothers The fisherman picked up. Those, who survived in cataclysm, Living in a pessimism, - Yesterday they were in a glass prism Brought to our asylum both - And one of them, mechanic, Told us, when he run away from nannies, That Bermudaís polyhedron - Itís exposed belly button of the Earth. "What happened there? how you were saved?" - Everyone thrust on and pestered him, - But mechanic only shake And bummed stubs kept smoking. He either laughed or cried, Or getting prickly like a hedgehog. - He was mocking us, that guy, - What can one do - he is mad dog! A former alcoholic jumped in, Foul-mouthed and seditious fiend: "The triangle we must drink! Letís split it three ways!5 Common, guys! He got warmed up - and the words start pouring: "The triangle, we will drink it! - Be it a parallelepiped, Be it a circle, horny lice!" Hitting painfully our souls each day "Voices" from thousand of miles, - Why donít we jam the "Voice of USA"6, Why donít we put more pressure on "Israel". With all their hostile essence They undermine and harm us everywhere - They feed us, make us drink the berfeculence About mystery bloody square! Lecturers from the TV show! Those, who one way or another Talking about setbacks, brother And making nervous the folks! We are doomed, take all of us, - The triangle, all of you, scholars, Will turn into lunatics, at once, Well, and us - vice versa, in to nerds. Though - itís a crazy idea, in a way, Do not rush with the decision. Give us reply without delay Through our head physician! Sincerely Yours... Date. Signed. Do reply to us, or else, If you donít answer, we do mind We will write to"Sport-lotto" ourselfs!
1 Kanatchikova dacha - psychiatric asylum near Moscow.
2 To eat a dog - Russian idiom meaning to become very good experienced at something.
3 Bermuddied - all the words that starts with "Ber" are made up by Vysotsky. "Ber" - means Bermuda.
4 Rudik - Russian male name (Rudolph).
5 Many years ago, in the former Soviet union, the price of a bottle of vodka was about three rubles. Three drunks, each pay one ruble - there for you a bottle of vodka. They split it three ways and each will get a glass of vodka!
6 Iíve lived there and we did listen to the Voice of America, and it was jammed.
© Anatoli Trojanowski. Translation, 2017