I am the most sober of all sober men:
I have moral fibers, I’m gritty.
So I was elected by most of my kin,
Who gave me a list on eight pages to keep,
And sent me to shop the big city.

Both my sister and my aunt
Want to have a faux fur coat,
And my brother yearns for coffee on his table.
Son-in-law did ask for roe,
Wife was yelling to buy more,
And her dad demanded brandy with nice labels.

I’m wounded, shell-shocked and a little afraid,
Forgetful of things asked in writing.
I’ve learned off by heart all my shopping requests
And hid all my cash in the lining.

So, my brother needs a coat
For my aunt - a coffee pot.
My wife’s dad instructed: "Buy in bulk, you got it?"
Son-in-law eats squirrel roe
Wife’s obsessive with faux fur
And godfathers will suffice with rum or vodka.

I bumped many backs, and I stomped many toes,
I barreled my way through their rear.
To save my long list from the capture by foes,
I swallowed it whole with no fear.

Keep in mind: a pot for aunts,
Wife is happy with fur cloth,
And that dad of hers drinks vodka that is branded.
For godfathers: all you want,
Son-in-law gets rabbits paws,
Sisters wanted something pretty; that is handy!

So will I return carrying nothing but bags?
Yet soon shopping quarters were found.
"What currency do you possess?" - I’ve been asked.
"Don’t worry," - said I. "It’s not pounds."

"So, a coffee pot with fur,
Son-in-law will work for roe,
And godfathers are not happy when they’re sober!
Aunts have sided with my bro:
He drinks wine until no more.
And for me this ugly yellow in the saucer!"

I can’t recall dollars, the sterlings of words,
I’m struck by the stark understanding:
What for I’ve been spilling my blood all along?
What for I’ve been eating this list that’s so long?
And why I keep cash in the lining?

Still, I need an instant pot,
Plus some booze for this old dolt,
And my brother could drink hooch until he wobbles.
Where to buy a fax fur aunt?
Vodka flavored sugar coats?
And godfathers should be happy with two bottles.