Oh, Vanya, look at these comedians:
their grins are wide, as if they’re stitched!
Oh, they are dressed up like the needy ones,
their voices have a drunkard’s pitch!

And that one looks like my in-law,
your sister’s husband when he’s sloshed.
No, look at him. He’s on his paws,
does look like yours.

Don’t touch my sister’s husband, will you, Zin?
He is our family, after all.
You’re covered in war paint and nicotine,
you need to lie low and sing small!

And maybe, Zin, between the acts,
why don’t you hurry to the mart?
Well, if you don’t want to take part,
I’d better start.

Oh, Vanya, look at midget’s mastery;
they’re dressed in jersey, not in felt!
At our eleventh garment factory
there’s hardly anything like that.

I’m sorry, Vanya, I’ll be harsh,
but all your friends are rude and rash,
they’re always hammered in a flash,
they drink such trash!

It could be that my friends aren’t flannel-clad,
but they don’t pilfer from their own!
And they drink trash because they’re frugal lads,
they pay for it, but they get stoned.

And you yourself, no better, Zin!
You had that friend, a double chin,
he used to slosh pure gasoline.
Remember, Zin!

Oh, Vanya, look: the parrots, bless my soul!
My eyes on stalks now, for a fact!
And who is she dressed in a camisole?
I, Vanya, want one just like that.

If you fulfill this year’s plan,
please don’t forget to buy me one...
Again, you tell me "Are you done?"
It’s rude, Iván!

You’d better stop it, have some decency!
My yearly bonus is no more!
Who wrote complaints against me recently?
You didn’t? But I read them all!

Plus, you will look so out of place
in such a garment - a disgrace.
You’ll need an armful of this lace,
in any case.

Oh, Vanya, this is all so staggering!
The acrobats move down and up!
Our foreman Satikov was galloping
Just like this fellow, in our club.

And when you come from work, Ivan,
You eat and crash on our divan
Or yell at me when you’re not downed.
Aren’t you, Ivan?

Your actions, Zin, are short of battery,
You ask for trouble, in my view.
I’m bending backwards for my salary,
When I get home, I see you!

As for the mart, I’m always keen,
For there are friends of mine - the scene.
I’m not a solo drinker, Zin,
I’ve never been.

Now look, this gymnast is superior!
Her legs have ball joints, I can tell.
But in our dairy cafeteria
the waitress moves like this as well.

And every friend of yours, my Zin,
reminds a stitchery machine,
their boring looks will give you spleen.
For real, Zin!

Remember Lila Fedoséyeva,
the cashier girl from Gorky Park?
At our housewarming, you were eyeing her,
I think she must have made her mark.

Instead of fighting me, Ivan,
let’s take a trip to Yereván.
Again, you tell me "Are you done?"
It’s rude, Ivan!