Fearing cloak-and-dagger agents,
always hiding from surveillance,
with the English sobriquet of Mister John McMaster Penn,
wearing gloves of shiny leather
to avoid prints altogether,
lived inside the Soviet Hostel an un-Soviet gentleman.

John McMaster, working singly,
in the dark but moving quickly,
flicked his nose where he had hidden lenses used for infrared.
Thus, the scenes his lens created
were unfavorably painted:
everything that makes us happy and propels our state ahead.

Moscow Office of Employment
has become a public toilet,
and our treasured Central Market looked as if it were on strike.
Due to microfilm distortion,
GUM was missing the proportions,
and it’s painful to remember what the Chekhov School looked like.

Working hard with no accomplice
might be boring, might be pointless.
So, the foe thought for a moment and then wrote a bogus check.
Somewhere in the wilds of dining,
this un-Soviet man was trying
to recruit our Soviet comrade, coaxing him to risk his neck.

And Gennady looked quite needy,
cunning, predatory, greedy.
Stopping with the wine and women was a thing he hardly knew.
Well, this buddy of McMaster
satisfied the shrewd spymaster.
If you’re drunk and give in easily, it can happen to you, too.

"Here we have your first assignment:
mingle with the bathhouse clients.
At 3:15, maybe later, you will see an empty cab.
Get inside, tie up the chauffeur,
try to play a simple robber,
It can make a major story for the BBC recap.

"Shave yourself for your next mission,
you’ll attend the exhibition.
Someone will approach you shortly. You will have a t?te-?-t?te.
He will offer you fresh cherries.
You should ask what kind he carries.
Then, he’ll give you bread that’s laden with explosives. Bring this bread.

"And for that, my drunken buddy",
he continued to Gennady,
"You will have a house in Brooklyn, lots of women, a sedan."
But the enemy was busted,
for the one whom he had trusted
was a Special Service major and a worthy family man.

Yes, tricks-wise, he was a master,
John notorious McMaster,
but it was a big time blunder by the tarnished Mister Penn.
He’s defanged, his head is shaven,
he is booked in isolation,
and inside the Soviet Hostel lives a peaceful guest again.